Gather No Moss - Overcoming Resistance to Change

By Russ Kamis

The other day, I was in my daughter's bedroom delicately navigating a minefield of misplaced items on the way to read with her. Emilia (as in Earhart), my ten year old, is like many little girls, precocious and fashionable. During that perilous journey, I counted 17 pieces of clothing lying about. Emilia will wear three to five different outfits in any given day. Why? She likes change. Emilia changes not only her clothes, but her mind, and her attitude – regularly. That is quintessential Emilia, and we love her for it. It is what makes her, well, her.

Transformation is an integral part of learning and a catalyst for personal growth. However, over time many people go from actively seeking and participating in change to avoiding and resisting it. Nowhere is this more evident than with successful CEOs.

A dominant theme during the retreats I facilitate is that leaders over time often shift from the highly creative process of exploring possibilities, taking risk, and learning new skills in building their businesses, to a staid and stale process of maintaining what they've built and protecting what they have. This shift is slow and insidious. To some degree it happens to us all, until one day, we find ourselves avoiding change at all costs. As Les Brown so aptly points out in Beyond the Secret “Nine out of ten people will die rather than change.”

Yet, according to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus “change is the only constant.”  Standing still is counter-intuitive and doesn't honor our spirit. Change is essential to growth. Our circumstances, perspectives, tastes and interests are always evolving. We either grow through them or we languish. Our natural state is one of expansion – through the creative exploration and expression of new ideas, pursuits and experiences. A successful, healthy, happy life results from continuous transformation.

Newton's First Law of motion states that bodies in motion tend to stay in motion.  Of course, this means that once we have allowed societal pressure, the comfort of wealth, or the success and power of position to bring us to a stop, we will tend to stay at rest.

So how do you get things moving again?  How do you overcome your resistance and embrace change?

There are three pivotal steps:

1. See your Commitment. Ask yourself, “How does not changing benefit me?” The trick is to realize that you are committed to the current situation. The current situation serves you in some way that makes changing a less appealing option. Figure out what you are committed to. Staying where you are is a choice. Anytime you are not making progress in a desired area of your life, it is because there is another payoff – one you are often unaware of. Once you consciously understand how maintaining the status quo benefits you, you can more accurately assess the risks and benefits of making a change – be it losing weight, improving work-life balance or pursuing another vocation. Once you see why you are not changing, it is much easier to actually change.

2. Assess your Beliefs. Most self-improvement programs tell you that to achieve success you need to behave differently.  Seldom does this address the real issue – your underlying belief. Forced change is the result of using raw effort to perform a behavior differently in the hope it will become a new improved habit. Unfortunately, the approach is flawed, ineffective and temporary. When enough time passes or stress appears, the undesired behavior resurfaces. Real change takes place not by force but by understanding. Everything you do is based on what you believe. Real change is only accomplished when you understand why you do what you do. Successful change is the result of seeing, not doing. This requires reflection, honesty and acceptance. So, what are you believing about your situation? What could you believe instead?

3. Take alternate action. If things you don't want keep showing up in your life, it is most likely because the action you are taking is no longer effective. As Albert Einstein said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Most of the approaches you take to solve life's problems are the same ones you learned as children. They are engrained and habitual. You use them because you are comfortable with them and they've served you in the past – be it a timid or aggressive personality, a proactive or last minute approach, or an optimistic or pessimistic attitude. But what happens when your behaviors no longer yield the desired results? At this point, you have four choices: disillusionment, escape, trying harder or change. To generate a better outcome, try a new approach.
Creative change is essential to happiness. Our unique interests and needs evolve over time. To honor this we must be willing to either do something different, become someone different, or both. Just like Emilia, we can only be true to ourselves by overcoming our resistance to change. Emilia embraces this aspect of herself naturally. She is in a dynamic state of expanding, growing and flowing. It is a wonderfully positive place where worry and fear don't drive decision making – a place where growth is constant and natural.

Do you need a change of clothes? Go ahead, grow to live.

Russ Kamis is the Founder and Principal of the Kamis Group, LLC. Russ specializes in helping Presidents, CEOs and their leadership teams create a winning atmosphere ideal for success. To learn more about Russ visit: www.thekamisgroup.com or contact him at russ@thekamisgroup.com.

© 2010 by Russ Kamis. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction allowed only with permission

Editor’s Note: This is the fifth in a series of articles written by Russ Kamis being offered to our readers. Future articles will deal with achieving success both professionally and personally. We are interested in your feedback.