Cage the Monkey - Conquer Worry and Fear

By Russ Kamis

At Case Western during my undergraduate engineering program, one of my Zeta Beta Tau Fraternity brothers ran for house president. His name was Dean Fear. Great name, I know. Dean ran successfully under the platform that “There is nothing to fear but Fear himself.” Of course, with a campaign like that he won. He was a good leader who continued the legacy that propelled our house to top academic standing.

The number one problem facing people today isn't money, jobs, the economy or relationships. It is fear and worry. Nothing has the potential to generate more value in your life than getting this monkey off your back and under your control.

So, what are you afraid of?

For thousands of years, fear provided an essential self-preservation mechanism. Driving the fight or flight response, fear saved lives. Today, the need for fear is minimal and worry has taken its place. The difference between the two is that fear is a temporary, real time emotion that drives a physical response whereas worry is a systemic anticipation about something that might happen in the future.

A big part of people's mental capacity is taken up by worry. We plan, look for and expect the worst. Yet, most of what we worry about never happens. Worse yet, worry consumes significant personal energy. Are you feeling drained? Although a rivulet of water may not have a noticeable impact on rock in the moment, over time it can cut right through it.

Worry is a behavior that with enough repetition can become habit. The way to fix any counter-productive habit is to become aware of it and then take steps to change it. So how do you wrestle control over the monkey on your back? Helpful steps include:

1. Focus on the desired outcome.

Dwelling on any problem gives it energy and presence of mind often far beyond its worth. Starve your worry by feeding it less. Set aside 15 minutes per day and worry about anything and everything. Write it down and then put off all worries until the next designated time. Next spend an equal amount of time focusing on your desired outcome. Visualize the events, situations, and conditions you desire. Image them and reflect on how you will feel when you finally achieve your goal. It will take some time to paint this picture, spend the time needed; the payoff is worth it. Finally, if you worry outside allotted 15 minutes, be sure to compliment each worry with a visualization of what you want. Over time you will get increasingly comfortable with the risks and will naturally start to focus more on what you want to have happen – this is where the positive energy and real opportunity resides.

2. Make a decision.

Worry breeds procrastination and avoidance that overtime increases worry's power and control. Worry is emotionally based and often irrational. It clouds good decision making and logical, cognitive analysis. Weigh the pros and cons. Consider the worst that can happen. Understand it isn't likely and assign it a probability. For example, one has only a 0.005% chance of dying in a plane crash and yet it is reportedly one of people's greatest fears. Compare your head decision with the one from your heart. Then, make a choice.

3. Do it.

Worry is crippling. Take steps to achieve your goal. Do what you are most afraid of. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said “do the thing and you will have the power.” Do that “thing” so you can shift from doubting and worrying to trying and learning. The power comes from the courage of doing, by experiencing, and realizing that it wasn't that bad after all. Be sure that you do “the thing” in a way that will generate the most value. Don't take so much risk that you might explode, risking ruin, but don't take so little risk that you don't grow. Instead find that uncomfortable balance where it is both hard and scary but justifiable. Give yourself the goal of taking one justifiable risk a quarter and you will grow tremendously over a lifetime.

4. Be Strong.

The Bible says “fear not” numerous times. It is a command, and it implies that fear is a choice and that you can overcome any fear. Resist fear and it will flee from you. Take a stand. Recognize that things work out and all is well. Franklin D. Roosevelt was right “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”
Go ahead, take the monkey off your back and get him under control. Use your fear to your advantage, like Dean Fear did, to drive needed change in your life. Take the next 30 days and focus on one new behavior until it becomes habit. You will grow more confident and less fearful. You'll become stronger, more successful and ultimately, you'll be happier.

Go ahead, grow to live.

Russ Kamis is the Founder and Principal of the Kamis Group, LLC. Russ specializes in helping Presidents, CEO's and their leadership teams create a winning atmosphere ideal for success. To learn more about Russ visit www.thekamisgroup.com or contact him at russ@thekamisgroup.com
 
© 2010 by Russ Kamis. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction allowed only with permission

Editor’s Note: This is the second in a series of articles written by Russ Kamis that we are offering to our readers. Future articles will deal with achieving success both professionally and personally. This is a shift from our usual newsletter content and we are interested in your feedback.